Simona talks dating with facial palsy.

This weeks post is really exciting because my amazing friend Simona is guest writing for my blog! What I have loved about creating this blog is also being able to allow other people who live with facial palsy to share their stories, that way we can continue to learn about life with this condition and continue to build our community.

This week she is telling us all about what it's like to date with facial palsy. I have no experience with this aspect of being a young woman, with facial paralysis, trying to figure out new potential relationships, so I'm so excited to give her the floor to share her experience.

ALSO peep the right hand side photo of us together? Something really exciting is on it's way to you soon so keep you eyes peeled in the New Year!

dating in your 20s and having facial paralysis. what a fucking shit show.

I was having a conversation with someone not too long ago about this and the best way I could try to explain it was in this way..

For a moment close your eyes -

Imagine looking in the mirror and your whole left side has dropped, you can’t smile and you hardly recognised the person you were.

Hold that thought and now imagine you have a date that you need to go on tomorrow evening with someone new.

Hold that imagine.

How do you feel about yourself and this date now?

Facial paralysis is definitely an added thing to have to worry about when on dates.

It's not one that the average person needs to worry about daily.

Have they noticed my wonky smile?

Have they noticed my wonky eye?

No one likes to be rejected but it's natural in the dating world.

You are not going to like everyone and not everyone is going to like you.

I guess with facial paralysis because you almost in a way don’t know this new version of yourself and you have already rejected it, the fact that other people get the opportunity to reject it as well just further feeds into negative belief systems about who you are.

Also because we don't usually tell people why we reject them after a date, for someone with facial paralysis, your automatic response is to put it down to the fact that it's your face.

when in reality it could just simply be that you both just didn't click, and that is absolutely fine.

I am almost certain that you have not liked every single one of your dates and they didn't even have facial paralysis.

For me personally it will be ten years now in December and I can hand on my heart say that there hasn’t been a day when I haven’t had that image of looking in the mirror for the first time in my mind.

Some days it will just be a fleeting thought as I pass by the mirror and catch a glimpse, other times a full set of facial exercises that I do in front of the mirror just so I can see just how despite the amount of years past there are still things I can’t do.

I would personally say that I am probably in the best place that I have been with it both physically and mentally, but it doesn't mean that it's not something that is on my mind.

Or I think about how perhaps easier life would have been if I didn't get injections in my eyes every 3 months or how much easier it would have been to go on dates without that other element to worry about.

Truth is, yeah it probably would be easier but my easy is also someone else's hard. Therefore I try not to dwell on it too much.

Also no one at any point promised an easy life and things out of my control will happen. The positive there is that I choose on how I let it impact my life and in what ways it gets to limit me.

So if you are reading this, I’m not going to provide a step by step guide on how to go on dates with facial paralysis because you are SO MUCH more than what has happened to you.

We all have things we don’t like about ourselves.

We each hold insecurities and some limiting beliefs about who we are.

I know people even without facial paralysis that have a fear of rejection.

It's normal and it's a human fear to have.

Tell your story when you feel ready, even if that's further down the line.

The right person, whoever that might be for you will not actually give a flying FUCK about it. They will appreciate your strength and courage instead.

I can list off about a hundred more amazing things about myself that have ABSOLUTELY NOTHING to do with my face.

I would say don’t feel that you need to date right away, take your time. Don't suppress the emotions that come with it, sit with them all and recognise what's coming up for you.

Speak to a professional so you can deal with the mental and emotional aspects of it as this will have the biggest role to play in your recovery and acceptance of it.

Focus on self love and building back your self worth and confidence.

Whatever you do, please don't ever put your worth in someone else and even less a stranger that has met you for 2 hours and knows the basics about you.

Go on dates thinking, will I like them rather than will they like me.

Take all of your power back. You are not broken.

Life will bring you different seasons.

You will have your moments again of absolute bursting with joy and happiness. I can promise you that.

You will have your seasons of sadness as well but as seasons they won't be permanent.

you are your longest relationship, make sure it’s a lovely one.

With love,

Simona